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103 Involuntary Muscle Contraction
Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably golfing with his mates.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom!

104: A LOVE STORY FOR GOLFERS

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached
across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we
will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of
these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been
unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good
reason."

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never
suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?"

Martha said, "The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we
were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do
you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he
notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for
that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have
the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your
doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I
can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"All right," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of
your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"

105 Her Diary 15th June 2013:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.

About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary 15th June 2013:

Missed a 2 footer to lose the club knockout final one down.