This page will be regularly updated with new jokes so please keep visiting. If you have any good jokes that you think I might not have heard please email them to phil.walker@bt.com
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99 Wide Stance
A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it.
"What happened?" Asked the doctor.
"I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer.
The doctor replied, "You must have an awfully wide stance!"
100. Eight Iron
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"
The following jokes may not be suitable as they insult some very rich people!!
101. Definitions:
Bunker play
An Adolf - failing to get out of the bunker
An Eva Braun - Picked up in the bunker
Ball striking
An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result
A Russell Grant - a fat iron
A Peter Mandelson - an unbelievable iron
A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Kate Moss - bit thin, but otherwise perfect
A Rodney King - over-clubbed
An O.J. Simpson - got away with it
A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn't be
A Sally Gunnell - ugly but a good runner
A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good runner
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
A Glen Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the water
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Robin Cook - just died on the hill
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs
An Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went but you
A Ken Livingstone - quite far left
A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
An elephant's arse - high and shi**y
A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
A circus tent - a BIG top
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Pereto - hit 80 yards and end up with a 20.
Putting
A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer
A Diego Maradonna - a very nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
A gynecologist's assistant - shaved the hole
102 Involuntary Muscle Contraction
Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary
Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably golfing with his mates.'
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom!
